Maybe on Earth as it is in Heaven
by Laurincia
Summary: He had never remembered when it really started. Perhaps during the Ebola epidemic, but Olivier's mind had started to wander. Not like the type where you just sit and think about the world, but the type where you question every fiber of your being, digging deep into yourself to bring up and examine everything that you wanted to keep hidden, from yourself or other people. He couldn't


p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"He had always been an outcast, no matter how hard he tried to fit in, so he stopped trying altogether. He went against his parents' expectations, being the polar opposite of everything they wanted him to be. Every night Olivier went home after a night of partying, his parents would always say that it was the last straw, to sober up and leave the next morning. They never enforced it, they always gave him another chance, time and time again. But the last straw was when he got Claire pregnant. They kicked him out that night. A few nights later, he got into a car crash, landing him in the hospital with a few broken bones and a concussion. The doctors kept preaching about how he was lucky to be alive, how he should have died. They didn't mention his alarmingly high blood-alcohol count./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Eighteen, and nearly homeless. No one wanted to spare a penny, all saying he was young, that he could find a job, that he should go back to his parents and not live on the streets. Eighteen, nearly homeless, and thousands of dollars in medical debt. Olivier didn't have much of a choice and made his way to the nearest recruitment center./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"During the grueling training cut out for him in boot camp, Olivier had met Bertrand, the Catholic Chaplain of their platoon. Everyone quickly grew tired of his constant preaching, but Olivier never really minded it, it gave him a firm hold on reality while going through training, focusing on the empty words that Bertrand spouted instead of the throbbing in his muscles and every part of his mind screaming at him to stop and rest. During their free time, Bertrand would always try to make small talk with everyone, but he always spent more time on Olivier, only saying that it was because he seemed troubled. Olivier eventually grew tired of Bertrand's prodding and answered all his questions and spilled his guts. He told the chaplain about everything, his blatant refusal to go along with his parents' grand plan for them, all the partying, the crash, and even Claire./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Do you know how she is as of now?" Bertrand asked./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Olivier shook his head and pushed around his food with his plastic fork./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Would you like to see her again someday?" Bertrand asked quietly./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Olivier stopped and turned to look at Bertrand with disbelief but quickly shifted his expression back to neutral. "Would she even want to see me?" He scoffed in response, picking up his mug of tea to take a sip. He could see Bertrand shrug from his peripheral vision./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""If you do truly regret your actions, maybe you could send her some money to help raise the child," Bertrand suggested. "Who knows, I can try to arrange a meeting for you two. God knows you won't get far in life if you don't come to terms with your demons." And with that, Bertrand got up off the bench and placed a hand on Olivier's shoulder as a sign of comfort before walking off to another table./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"A few days later, Bertrand returned to his table after a long run through the forest with a wide smile on his face. "She agreed," was all he said. Olivier didn't know how to feel or what emotion to show, there was excitement, fear, resentment, anxiety, doubt, a whole incomprehensible amount of emotion that flooded him all at once. He allowed himself to crack a small smile and nod, thanking Bertrand quietly. They would meet again after nearly a year after Olivier pressured Claire to get an abortion. Words could not describe the guilt he had felt years later./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Bertrand had told Olivier to go the park nearest to Alexis' school after they got dismissed, and sat on the nearest bench, waiting for Claire and her son. He watched as families walked past them, parents always holding their child's hand and looking at them with loving eyes as they asked about their day, leading them home. Olivier leaned back on the bench folding his hands in his lap and sighed, waiting./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Almost everyone had cleared out the school and Olivier started to doubt himself, wondering if the idea of meeting him after nearly a year was just that repulsive to Claire that she would bail out. He started to tap his thigh, a bad habit he had gained while going through heavy withdrawals and even just doing drugs. But eventually, Claire arrived, with Alexis trailing behind her quietly. Her expression was stern but it was obvious she was trying not to show anger around Alexis. Olivier did his best to keep a neutral expression and stood up, giving Claire a small smile, quickly glancing over at Alexis. The small child hid behind his mother, staring up at Olivier. Taking a deep breath, Olivier greeted Claire with a 'bonjour.' Responding with a nod, Claire placed her hands on Alexis' shoulders and knelt down to be at eye level with the child, rubbing her thumb over his cheek. At this point, Alexis was worried. "Mama, who's that?" He asked quietly./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Sighing, Claire smiled sadly. "Go play," she told Alexis. He cocked his head to the side and looked confused but ran to the playground behind him nonetheless. Standing back up, Claire turned to look at Olivier, now free to do and say whatever without the having to be worried about her child's reactions. "What the fuck do you want?" She asked, crossing her arms. There was a shiny new diamond ring on her ring finger. She was going to get married./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Olivier's hands went into his pockets and he ran his thumb over the opening, clenching and unclenching his hands. "I-I wanted to say that I'm sorry," he muttered./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Claire scoffed, laughing out loud. "Really? You say that after leaving me for three years to fend for myself with a child? You're unbelievable."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Olivier's heart started racing as he repeatedly tapped his thumb against the pocket. "I take it you won't believe or forgive me?" Remorse showed./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Taking a deep breath, Claire relaxed her posture, softening her expression. "I really did love you. You don't know how much it hurt to know that things changed that drastically as soon as I got pregnant. You wanted emour /emchild dead!" She gestured over to Alexis playing with a little girl, huffing when he went down the slide with a laugh. Lowering her voice, she whispered, "he is the spitting image of you, and you wanted him gone."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I do regret it, you know? It - emI /em, was selfish," he laughing himself and reworded. He shifted his weight on his right leg and stared into Claire's eyes./p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""You know I can't just forgive you that easily."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I don't expect you to, but I emwill /emmake things right," promised Olivier. "Does he know?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Claire nodded. "Not that much."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Will I ever see him again?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Claire was silent, thinking. "When you prove yourself."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Nodding, Olivier let out the breath he had been holding and glanced over at Alexis as he ran up the small steps to get to the highest platform and grabbed onto the railing, peering over the edge to talk to the girl that was standing on the pebbles on the ground below./p 


End file.
